Being intimidating good

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Being the person I was, I started to try to tone down my personality.I’d ask my date a lot of questions about his life, so that I wasn’t talking about my job or my studio apartment all that much.It’s an odd realisation to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you.People have written over and over again how first dates are like interviews, and that you have to put on a shinier version of yourself so as to not scare away the person across from you.At a certain point, the jig will be up, and then what kind of relationship will you be left with?And frankly, attempting to even figure out what people want from you — and what they deem “intimidating” — is a losing battle.

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(It’s still live, so you can feel free to add in your two cents!The queer men and women I spoke to had never been given the excuse of intimidation as the reason why they weren’t finding dates (though, admittedly, my findings are 100% anecdotal).So, being a woman who used to mould and fold herself to meet society’s standards of “the girl he wants to date,” I started Googling to see exactly what men found intimidating in a woman, all in an effort to fix it in myself.Instead, I decided to just be myself — loud mouth and all.I embraced my independence, my outspoken nature, my wit, my smarts, and, also, the flaws that make me me.

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