Being intimidating good
Instead, I decided to just be myself — loud mouth and all.I embraced my independence, my outspoken nature, my wit, my smarts, and, also, the flaws that make me me.The answers I found were actually super enraging — especially on one particular Reddit post I’d stumbled across.Some answered, “If she’s better looking than me,” while others brought up words like “smarter,” “stronger,” “funnier,” and “outspoken.” Women who made more money than their male counterparts, or had a better job or seemed more successful in general, were also penalised.It’s an odd realisation to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you.People have written over and over again how first dates are like interviews, and that you have to put on a shinier version of yourself so as to not scare away the person across from you.
And in talking to my queer friends, I found that this phenomenon seems to mainly occur in heterosexual relationships.
A few weeks ago, I posted a survey to my Twitter, asking my followers what they wanted to see in this column.
(It’s still live, so you can feel free to add in your two cents!
) I got a whole slew of responses, but versions of the same question kept popping up over and over again: I myself have been called intimidating a lot throughout my life.
It all started with my father who, trying his hardest to console a weepy teenager who didn’t have a date to prom, told me that it wasn’t my fault that men didn’t want to date me. He totally meant it as a compliment — he’d raised a strong, outspoken young woman, and he knew it — so I tried to take it as such.